I've found my sweet spot!

I can't really explain when it happened or if any one thing caused it to happen, but I've found true joy and contentment in these horrible circumstances. I'm actually happy! I've let go of all worries. God is in control. He will work it out. I don't know if the Lord is working out a future for me with my husband or not. However, with or without my spouse, I'm going to be okay! I really praise God! This is not of me in any sense. It is the Lord's healing power, strength, and grace alive within my soul.

When Phillip invited Nathaniel to join Jesus he said, "Come and see." (John1:16)

I have found like Job that when God allows circumstances into my life that are out of my control that if I allow God I will see Him like I've never seen Him before.

"My ears have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." Job 42:5

It is only in painful, life changing circumstances that if we are willing to let God do His thing we truly come to experience God and a deeper realtionship with Him.

Priscilla Shirer stated exactly what I mean in her Bible study One in a Million: When life's biggest disappointments cause a bitterness that you just can't seem to shake, know that the Lord wants to step in and reveal the miracle of His restoring power in your heart. He can take your biggest struggle and heartache-the one that causes your chest to ache with frustration- and turn it into the sweet spot on which your spiritual outllook hinges.

Again, I don't know exactly when or how but I've experienced what Priscilla described could happen. All I know was that I was willing to "Let Go and Let God." Now I've traded my sorrow for His joy. Isaiah 61:3 expresses how I feel perfectly:

"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His glory."

I don't think I've arrived at complete righteouness or that I'm a great oak yet, but it is my prayer that God is getting and will be getting more glory to come for the truly awesome work He's doing in my life.

"

Look Up!

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift my soul. " Psalm 143:8

I woke up this morning confessing my sin of anger and fleshly desire for bodily harm to come to my husband. You see in my pain I sometimes feel I would be better off if God would just take him physically off this world so I won't have to deal with him anymore. But when I feel like that I've taken my eyes off Jesus. He is in control even though all seems dark and without hope. He has the big picture. Jesus forgave my wicked thought and reminded me of his unfailing love in the verse above. He reminded me to put all my trust in Him alone, to rest in the fact he will show me my path if I just rest in His love. I then surrendered my soul to His love. The words to this song came to mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp_ry0RBsnk&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Happy New Year?

“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.” Psalm 91:14–15

I'm not sure when I'll be happy again, but I'm filled with a peace and contentment as I rest in God's love not looking immediately for results to happen. God knows what He's doing. I stand on the promises found in His word above. The Lord will RESCUE ME, PROTECT ME, BE WITH ME, DELIVER ME, AND HONOR ME.

I've decided that my resolutions will be only spiritual ones this year. Here they are in no certain order of importance, for they need to be all happening:
1. Grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
2. Become gentle in spirit.
3. Not to sin in my anger.
5 Be a joyful Joy.
6. To love others as I love myself.
7. Find all my self-worth in God alone.

I think this verse does sum it all up:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33